The Long Hair Community

Milena · February 9th, 2007, 12:42 PM

I have to ask about this, because Valentine's is not a big deal in Europe where I'm from... My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and we are certainly going to celebrate V-Day in some form or another, and I just want to know what people usually do, and especially what is customary for women to do. I do plan to give him a gift and a card, but from all the commercials I've seen I've gotten the impression that it's mostly the guys who are expected to give the woman something... is that right? But I just assume that gift giving is mutual on that occasion, no? And do guys actually really buy their women jewelry that day?? My BF is not exactly the jewelry-buying kind, so I'd be surprised if he did... although I'm sure he's going to do something nice. -- Hope this doesn't sound too stupid, but I'm absolutely ignorant about this. Thanks in advance.

HairColoredHair · February 9th, 2007, 12:50 PM

In general, the American mindset seems to be that on Valentine's Day, it is the man's job to gift the woman with flowers, jewelry, chocolates, and fuzzy teddy bears, while she quite thoroughly believes she in entitled to more, and the dinner must be accompanied by the very best of champagne.

That (bitter rant) said, many couples will just go out to dinner or exchange cards.

I got my BF throwing stars. Why? I have no idea, but it was an excuse to get him shinies.

Some women believe they are entitled to the presents and such, others just want to be with the one they love... I guess everyone has their own interpretation of this Hallmark Holiday.

(Rant off...)

Beldaran · February 9th, 2007, 12:53 PM

Here's my take, but it may not be what you're looking for.

My husband and I do whatever we want with regards to things like this. Guys usually don't get an engagement ring, but I got him one. We celebrate Valentine's day however we want and the day he buys me a large diamond over something fun and useful is the day we'll have a long chat about our relationship and where it's going.

So, if you want to just exchange cards, do that. If you want to go out to eat and do nothing with presents, do that. If you want to stay in and give each other massages as presents, do that. If you want to go all out and buy big expensive presents, do that. There is obnoxious pressure for guys to get women jewelry for Valentine's day and I think it's annoying personally. Why would I want something that the media pressured my husband into getting?

So really, there is no real "custom", yes a lot of guys get their women jewelry, and there is no one thing women are expected to give guys. I'd suggest talking to him and setting up a price range or something if you are giving gifts, so you'll have a better idea of what to get.

(EDIT: I see my mini rant was preceeded by HCH's bigger and better rant. Rant on sister!

)

moonchaser · February 9th, 2007, 12:57 PM

My husband told me long ago that VD is the woman's day and he wanted me to get him nothing. This year we are exchanging cards and going to our favorite restaurant.

When he buys me something it is usually flowers, used to get me teddy bears, etc. Nothing major just cutsy.

It isn't a big deal to either of us. I guess all I "expect" is a card or letter. There have been 2 years that DH didn't spend a penny. He just wrote me a love letter and that was better than a diamond to me.

Milena · February 9th, 2007, 01:04 PM

Thanks for the replies so far! I totally agree that the jewelry pressure must be horrid for guys. I get embarrassed every morning when we wake up together to the commercials for Valentine's Day big jewelry presents.... I think what will happen is that we'll go out to dinner and will exchange some kind of gifts and cards. I'm still curious though to hear more about what other people here think and do!

nocticula · February 9th, 2007, 01:29 PM

My fiancee and I have never celebrated Valentine's Day although we are only coming up on our third together. He is from England and I am American. Mostly I just don't see the point of it. And I especially don't agree with the exclusively for women thing, I'm not entitled to anything extra just because I'm female. I'd be pretty upset if he spent a whole bunch of money on anything that isn't useful to us.

A&F · February 9th, 2007, 01:44 PM

I like the idea of Valentines day, but I can't say that I like the pressure. While we normally don't do anything, this year I got tickets to Spam-a-Lot for the Saturday after.

Josephine · February 9th, 2007, 01:57 PM

we'll do cards, and I like to ask hubby what special thing he would like for dinner that day, and we'll go out to dinner Sat, but I would seriously think WTF if hubby got me jewelery from a store that spams the air waves this time of year.

**Teacherbear** · February 9th, 2007, 03:46 PM

Hubby and I usually go out to a restaurant the weekend before/after. It might be lunch, and it might not be fancy, but it is special. I'll give him cards, but he isn't a card-giver. I think one year (out of 14+) I received a balloon and a little booklet/card that he made for me.

One year I received a gold necklace. He came to work and surprised me after the kids left for the day. Mind you, I have only received jewelery 3 times from him in 14+ years so it was a one time thing.

My exhusband use to spend tons of money: really nice restaurant, cards (yes, plural), gifts - sometimes jewelery.

I much prefer my current hubby (without the fanfare) to the ex (with fanfare).

redpenny · February 9th, 2007, 03:54 PM

I always give candy, chocolate, card, something racy like for example: sensual massage oil to my boyfriend, He usually does the same for me and maybe he would bring me roses too or just roses. I have never received any jewelry or anything expensive of that nature, just chocolate and maybe flowers.

Xanthippe · February 9th, 2007, 04:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by moonchaser

He just wrote me a love letter and that was better than a diamond to me.

I think letters are such underrated and wonderful presents!

I'm not a big celebrator of Valentine's Day - I don't really expect much. I think that something personal is usually well-received. Making a card is always a good choice. Last year I made my boyfriend a card and I think he gave me tulips or something. Our anniversary is also in February, so we had a special dinner then. Wow, I guess it is a pretty standard list: card, flowers, dinner.

That's interesting about women feeling entitled to presents on V-Day. I'd never really encountered that before. But then again I've never had to shop for a woman for Valentine's Day. My parents didn't really teach me much about what to expect for the day itself since they were married on Valentine's Day so they both give each other anniversary presents anyway. Maybe that's why I'm not that big into the commercial day.

dagonlilly · February 9th, 2007, 04:58 PM

My ideas of valentines is.... It pretty much is for females more then men. It is a day for guys to express there love for the one they love in hopes it will get them some booty at the end of the day. "Remember this is what I think it is all about." So that means, cards, flowers, jewlery, CANDY, going out to eat, bubble baths, poetry, perfume. going to the movies,massages, rose petels in the bed, Fancy PJs nightys, just spending time together.
So the girl gets what she wants all the mushy stuff and the guys get we'll you know

I like the holiday but we don't go overboard celebrating it. I usually get him something like his favorite candy. and we go out to eat. It really should'nt be expensive unless you are planning to get engaged.

CherryDanish · February 9th, 2007, 06:31 PM

It's for guys to redeem themselves after not getting her what she really wanted for Christmas.
And that, darlings, is my smart-alec definition of Valentine's Day.

SchnauzerMom · February 10th, 2007, 11:59 AM

We don't do a lot for Valentine's Day. Sometimes we don't celebrate it at all and other times we exchange cards and candy. Occasionally he has gotten me roses (when we can afford it). But nothing really expensive. I don't think spending a lot of money is necessary.

shrimp · February 10th, 2007, 12:46 PM

We've never really done much for Valentines, some years we've exchanged small gifts and cards, some (most) years we completely ignore it.
This year I bought the o/h a cd he really wanted (which arrived yesterday and he insisted he should have immediatly like the big kid he is!) and I've also bought him a card and mug that were £2 for both but have a bloke dancing in his pants on (o/h is rather too fond of dancing around in his kegs

) so cheap but meaningful.
I have already had my present from him, I found it, ordered it, paid for it and then rang him to tell him what he'd bought me and let him know how much he owed me. I just cut out the middle man

It would be nice to take the time out to do something this year as we've both had it rough for the past couple of years but we're both working on the night, and I'm teaching the next morning so can't even stay up late to see each other.
I did think it was sweet that about a month ago the o/h's boss who is also a mutual friend said that he assumed he'd want Valentines off. His mates tend to treat him like a single man most of the time (I'm a very laid back gf and tend to be one of the lads rather than 'the gf') so it was nice to have that recognition and I think it gave o/h a bit of a kick up the backside too

Part of me rebels against the whole commercialised, pressurised nature of the whole thing.
Part of me thinks how nice it is to stop and take some time out to appreciate each other. We should be able to do that every day, but life tends to get in the way!