The Long Hair Community

Nenwing · February 12th, 2005, 05:35 PM

Hey all,
It never fails to amaze me how moms have the patience and know-how to raise a child who is theirs 24/7 and they never get a break, and they have to be there at ALL hours for their kids. Honest I do not want kids, because I simply don't think I have what it takes. I mean I watch my little 2 year old niece sometimes, and even one day makes me a stressed frenzy! She is a wonderful bright intelligent charming little girl, theres nothing wrong with her, shes normal, but I just don't know how you moms keep up day after day. She is such a busy little girl, that after 5 hours, Im racking my brain as to what to do next, and its quite overwhelming sometimes. She also loves to run about, and always wants my attention to "lets do this or that!" and I become quite frazzled easily, and we are talking one day here, only ONE! I don't know how you moms manage to do this 365 days a year! This is why I do not think I would be cut out for mothering, I just don't think I could handle it, and well its better to know that now than to have one and really be frazzled.

Lina · February 12th, 2005, 06:03 PM

Not everyone wants children and that is okay. You are still young and may change your mind- I didn't decide to have children until I was 28ish and I was 33 when I got pregnant with my dd. It isn't all roses 365 days a year but everyday is a blessing and I wouldn't have missed this for anything in the world.

Garnet66 · February 12th, 2005, 07:37 PM

Thanks for the kudo's, Nenwing. I just go about hoping that I'll get a good day with them once in a while. Today was one of those day. No whining from my 1 yr old. Hooray! It's a miracle. And I think it's perfectly fine if you don't see yourself with kids. I wish everyone would think about what a child would do to their life before having them. I'm very lucky that I have a DH that is there for me and helps out when he can.

mayfikn · February 13th, 2005, 02:44 PM

I'm sure you have other reasons for your decision, but I wanted to say that babysitting is VERY different from having your own child.

First, you sort of build up your threshold for noise, rambling, etc since you have them from babyhood on. Second, when it is actually your own child, you are less squeemish about changing diapers and different disasters.

They are also much MUCH more facinating when they are your own child. I've never been that fond of children, and I'm still not crazy about other people's children, but I can't begin to describe how much my own children add to my life.

Kelly

Nenwing · February 13th, 2005, 03:01 PM

Thanks for the replies!
I got maybe about 2 hours of sleep last nite, because every noise she made I was WIDE awake thinking "is she okay? Is she still breathing?" lol. So yea today I have been pretty tired. How do you mothers deal when you or the child(s) are sick? That must be so hard. I remember one time I watched her and well technically "me and dad" were, lol riiiiiight that pretty much means JUST me watches her and dad goes off and does his thing (my dad, niece's grampa), and well that nite she was restless, and 5am she was crying and sick to her tummy.

The rest of the next day she wasn't feeling good, and wanted "Aunt wauwa" and so I had to carry her around the house while she fell asleep. I know they aren't sick all the time, but when they are whew! Its just something how you moms manage.
-Kelly, you probably are right, Ive heard others say that too, that its not like when its your own child, but still I figure that well its probably something like babysitting, because its the same sort of things you do with your kid. I probably will not have children, but I do greatly admire you mothers!

**Dvips** · February 13th, 2005, 05:41 PM

I know what you mean, Nenwing!
I figure until I stop kicking my cat out of the house when he annoys me, I should not have children.

If he really makes me mad, I stick him under the faucet and rub warm water into his fur - 1) it is a punishment, but more importantly 2) it takes him 3 hours to lick himself dry and so I get 3 hours of peace.

(Naturally I do not have to kick him out of the house for this gambit, so it works much better in the winter than kicking him out does.)

Dvips

mbeausgirl · February 15th, 2005, 03:27 AM

i myself am amazed at how i manage sometimes ! kids are great but they can be trying !

Annie · February 15th, 2005, 05:08 PM

I loved animals until I had children. Then I only had patients for one or the other and I chose the children

If I'm gonna clean up poop, I'm gonna get the biggest bang for my buck and my children are more rewarding

I had my 1st at 21 and thought I knew how to manage pretty well Then I had my 2nd at 23 and realized I didn't know how to manage a 2 year old with an infant. Then I had 5 years of figuring it all out trial and error and constantly second guessing myself. so when the 3rd came at 28 years old, I finally calmed down and realized I'd never know it all, but with each child I learned better how to manage/discipline/love/entertain/enjoy etc... Now when #4 came at 31 years old, I realized that I have learned alot in 10 years!!!! and It is really a snap now. I have 4 and stay at home 24/7 and homeschool the older two and to my own amazement I am SANE and actually enjoying it--even the wild and crazy chaotic days. I was a basketcase when I only had two...go figure... With each child, me and my dh become better parents. practice makes perfect (well, atleast a heck of a lot better!!!). I'm far from perfect, so I'll have to continue having some more little blessings.

Mamid · February 17th, 2005, 11:37 PM

We don't manage it. We just simply survive one crisis after another.

kazann · February 18th, 2005, 12:24 AM

When I was 23, I didnt plan on having any children! Now I am 37, and I have 6 of them!
And one thing is for sure....I would'nt change a thing if given the chance.
Having my beautiful children, has taught me alot about who I was, who I am now, and who I can become! Before them, I was busy being wild on the back of a Harley! I was reckless and self-centred, and did'nt give a damn about much.....now as a mother of six children, I have learnt a bit about making a difference in the lives of others. We homeschool 4 of them and the younger ones will be too. I think that having them around has actually kept me SANE! (Remember, I was CRAZY before them! lol!)
Don't get me wrong, we have our moments and indeed our days where you wish you could flick a switch and they would all turn off! But if I can find a solution that is going to teach my children integrity and self discipline, then I end up learning too!
The love of your children is one of the most enriching qualities of life, and when all is said and done and I look back when I am old at the heritage of my grand children and their children....let it be said "Indeed, I am a wealthy woman!"

Annie · February 18th, 2005, 08:04 AM

well said, and so true!

Quote:

Originally Posted by kazann

When I was 23, I didnt plan on having any children! Now I am 37, and I have 6 of them!
And one thing is for sure....I would'nt change a thing if given the chance.
Having my beautiful children, has taught me alot about who I was, who I am now, and who I can become! Before them, I was busy being wild on the back of a Harley! I was reckless and self-centred, and did'nt give a damn about much.....now as a mother of six children, I have learnt a bit about making a difference in the lives of others. We homeschool 4 of them and the younger ones will be too. I think that having them around has actually kept me SANE! (Remember, I was CRAZY before them! lol!)
Don't get me wrong, we have our moments and indeed our days where you wish you could flick a switch and they would all turn off! But if I can find a solution that is going to teach my children integrity and self discipline, then I end up learning too!
The love of your children is one of the most enriching qualities of life, and when all is said and done and I look back when I am old at the heritage of my grand children and their children....let it be said "Indeed, I am a wealthy woman!"

Joanne_232 · February 18th, 2005, 09:18 AM

Sometimes the idea of being a parent is scary. But the though is just so beautiful to me. That is why I go back and forth between wanting kids now or later when I am finsihed with school. After all, it will never be "the perfect time."

oogie · February 18th, 2005, 09:28 AM

Wanna really test your 'parenting readiness'? I have two children, they are 10 months apart. One had colic and the other had the flu, all at the same time. That is the very limits of my skills as a mom- endurance wise.

Being a mom isn't for everyone and that's fine. But I can say that I wouldn't trade my little angels for all the money in the world. They are a treasure beyond all things. If and when you think you're ready to tackle it, go to a church nursery or something. If you can handle that, you're loaded for bear.

Until then, enjoy life and know thyself. Everything else will fall into place.

UP Lisa · November 15th, 2005, 07:49 AM

I have three boys. They are 8, 10, and 12. It has been very difficult, but it has also been the most wonderful thing in the world. When they give you a hug, or tell you they love you, there is nothing better in life.

You can never really be prepared for being a parent, but know that it is a lifetime commitment. They will always be your children.

hairfitness101 · November 15th, 2005, 08:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nenwing

This is why I do not think I would be cut out for mothering, I just don't think I could handle it,

I said the exact same thing when I brought my son home from the hospital. He started crying and after all the shows I watched on being a mother, and all the books I read, and all the people I asked 8 million questions... I was scared to death. Partially because I have none of my own family close by (580 miles away) and because when they cry, you start crying yourself-postpartum I guess. But my mother's words of wisom rang true. She told me, see if he's hungry and if that's not it, see if he needs changed, etc etc.That simplicity, although she said it arrogantly, helped me immensly. It all became second nature. And once I realized how to not put myself first, and still have time for me, I started to enjoy being a mom. Its a rough mix to learn. The mothers here will understand that I'm sure.

Those were difficult times, we had no car, lived in a crummy apartment with no backyard to sit in, and in a terrible neighborhood you couldn't take a stroller around in. No sitter for me to get out, even once a month. I was very isolated. But I got through it, and now I have a second child, a house with a yard, and my own car. Its not new but who cares! I still need a sitter though!

I say, enjoy your youth, there's plenty of time for having a family, and when the time comes, if you decide to have children, you'll know. You don't have to feel rushed or that its even necessary. There are plently of women who don't have children and they are perfectly content. I just always wanted a family of my own-and a chance to "do it right" since my family is disfunctional. But I've since learned to do things for the kids, and not for some other reason(s) like proving I can, or "see how great my kids turned out" or something like that. My kids have matured me greatly! I thank them for that.