I have to ask about this, because Valentine's is not a big deal in Europe where I'm from... My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and we are certainly going to celebrate V-Day in some form or another, and I just want to know what people usually do, and especially what is customary for women to do. I do plan to give him a gift and a card, but from all the commercials I've seen I've gotten the impression that it's mostly the guys who are expected to give the woman something... is that right? But I just assume that gift giving is mutual on that occasion, no? And do guys actually really buy their women jewelry that day?? My BF is not exactly the jewelry-buying kind, so I'd be surprised if he did... although I'm sure he's going to do something nice. -- Hope this doesn't sound too stupid, but I'm absolutely ignorant about this. Thanks in advance.

In general, the American mindset seems to be that on Valentine's Day, it is the man's job to gift the woman with flowers, jewelry, chocolates, and fuzzy teddy bears, while she quite thoroughly believes she in entitled to more, and the dinner must be accompanied by the very best of champagne.

That (bitter rant) said, many couples will just go out to dinner or exchange cards.

I got my BF throwing stars. Why? I have no idea, but it was an excuse to get him shinies. :grin:

Some women believe they are entitled to the presents and such, others just want to be with the one they love... I guess everyone has their own interpretation of this Hallmark Holiday.

(Rant off...)

Here's my take, but it may not be what you're looking for.

My husband and I do whatever we want with regards to things like this. Guys usually don't get an engagement ring, but I got him one. We celebrate Valentine's day however we want and the day he buys me a large diamond over something fun and useful is the day we'll have a long chat about our relationship and where it's going.

So, if you want to just exchange cards, do that. If you want to go out to eat and do nothing with presents, do that. If you want to stay in and give each other massages as presents, do that. If you want to go all out and buy big expensive presents, do that. There is obnoxious pressure for guys to get women jewelry for Valentine's day and I think it's annoying personally. Why would I want something that the media pressured my husband into getting?

So really, there is no real "custom", yes a lot of guys get their women jewelry, and there is no one thing women are expected to give guys. I'd suggest talking to him and setting up a price range or something if you are giving gifts, so you'll have a better idea of what to get.

(EDIT: I see my mini rant was preceeded by HCH's bigger and better rant. Rant on sister! :rockerdud)

My husband told me long ago that VD is the woman's day and he wanted me to get him nothing. This year we are exchanging cards and going to our favorite restaurant.

When he buys me something it is usually flowers, used to get me teddy bears, etc. Nothing major just cutsy.

It isn't a big deal to either of us. I guess all I "expect" is a card or letter. There have been 2 years that DH didn't spend a penny. He just wrote me a love letter and that was better than a diamond to me. :inlove:

Thanks for the replies so far! I totally agree that the jewelry pressure must be horrid for guys. I get embarrassed every morning when we wake up together to the commercials for Valentine's Day big jewelry presents.... I think what will happen is that we'll go out to dinner and will exchange some kind of gifts and cards. I'm still curious though to hear more about what other people here think and do!

My fiancee and I have never celebrated Valentine's Day although we are only coming up on our third together. He is from England and I am American. Mostly I just don't see the point of it. And I especially don't agree with the exclusively for women thing, I'm not entitled to anything extra just because I'm female. I'd be pretty upset if he spent a whole bunch of money on anything that isn't useful to us.

I like the idea of Valentines day, but I can't say that I like the pressure. While we normally don't do anything, this year I got tickets to Spam-a-Lot for the Saturday after. :)

we'll do cards, and I like to ask hubby what special thing he would like for dinner that day, and we'll go out to dinner Sat, but I would seriously think WTF if hubby got me jewelery from a store that spams the air waves this time of year.

Hubby and I usually go out to a restaurant the weekend before/after. It might be lunch, and it might not be fancy, but it is special. I'll give him cards, but he isn't a card-giver. I think one year (out of 14+) I received a balloon and a little booklet/card that he made for me.

One year I received a gold necklace. He came to work and surprised me after the kids left for the day. Mind you, I have only received jewelery 3 times from him in 14+ years so it was a one time thing.

My exhusband use to spend tons of money: really nice restaurant, cards (yes, plural), gifts - sometimes jewelery.

I much prefer my current hubby (without the fanfare) to the ex (with fanfare). :twocents:

I always give candy, chocolate, card, something racy like for example: sensual massage oil to my boyfriend, He usually does the same for me and maybe he would bring me roses too or just roses. I have never received any jewelry or anything expensive of that nature, just chocolate and maybe flowers.

He just wrote me a love letter and that was better than a diamond to me. :inlove:

I think letters are such underrated and wonderful presents!

I'm not a big celebrator of Valentine's Day - I don't really expect much. I think that something personal is usually well-received. Making a card is always a good choice. Last year I made my boyfriend a card and I think he gave me tulips or something. Our anniversary is also in February, so we had a special dinner then. Wow, I guess it is a pretty standard list: card, flowers, dinner.

That's interesting about women feeling entitled to presents on V-Day. I'd never really encountered that before. But then again I've never had to shop for a woman for Valentine's Day. My parents didn't really teach me much about what to expect for the day itself since they were married on Valentine's Day so they both give each other anniversary presents anyway. Maybe that's why I'm not that big into the commercial day.

My ideas of valentines is.... It pretty much is for females more then men. It is a day for guys to express there love for the one they love in hopes it will get them some booty at the end of the day. "Remember this is what I think it is all about." So that means, cards, flowers, jewlery, CANDY, going out to eat, bubble baths, poetry, perfume. going to the movies,massages, rose petels in the bed, Fancy PJs nightys, just spending time together.
So the girl gets what she wants all the mushy stuff and the guys get we'll you know :wink:

I like the holiday but we don't go overboard celebrating it. I usually get him something like his favorite candy. and we go out to eat. It really should'nt be expensive unless you are planning to get engaged.

It's for guys to redeem themselves after not getting her what she really wanted for Christmas.
And that, darlings, is my smart-alec definition of Valentine's Day.

We don't do a lot for Valentine's Day. Sometimes we don't celebrate it at all and other times we exchange cards and candy. Occasionally he has gotten me roses (when we can afford it). But nothing really expensive. I don't think spending a lot of money is necessary.

We've never really done much for Valentines, some years we've exchanged small gifts and cards, some (most) years we completely ignore it.
This year I bought the o/h a cd he really wanted (which arrived yesterday and he insisted he should have immediatly like the big kid he is!) and I've also bought him a card and mug that were £2 for both but have a bloke dancing in his pants on (o/h is rather too fond of dancing around in his kegs :silly:) so cheap but meaningful.
I have already had my present from him, I found it, ordered it, paid for it and then rang him to tell him what he'd bought me and let him know how much he owed me. I just cut out the middle man :wink:

It would be nice to take the time out to do something this year as we've both had it rough for the past couple of years but we're both working on the night, and I'm teaching the next morning so can't even stay up late to see each other.
I did think it was sweet that about a month ago the o/h's boss who is also a mutual friend said that he assumed he'd want Valentines off. His mates tend to treat him like a single man most of the time (I'm a very laid back gf and tend to be one of the lads rather than 'the gf') so it was nice to have that recognition and I think it gave o/h a bit of a kick up the backside too :lol:

Part of me rebels against the whole commercialised, pressurised nature of the whole thing.
Part of me thinks how nice it is to stop and take some time out to appreciate each other. We should be able to do that every day, but life tends to get in the way!

I have to ask about this, because Valentine's is not a big deal in Europe where I'm from... My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and we are certainly going to celebrate V-Day in some form or another, and I just want to know what people usually do, and especially what is customary for women to do. I do plan to give him a gift and a card, but from all the commercials I've seen I've gotten the impression that it's mostly the guys who are expected to give the woman something... is that right? But I just assume that gift giving is mutual on that occasion, no? And do guys actually really buy their women jewelry that day?? My BF is not exactly the jewelry-buying kind, so I'd be surprised if he did... although I'm sure he's going to do something nice. -- Hope this doesn't sound too stupid, but I'm absolutely ignorant about this. Thanks in advance.Please don't buy into the jewelry stores' ploy. That is total hogwash, bull-pucky, and nonsense -- unless the idea of jewelry already is on the buyer's mind -- and the buyer can just as well be female as male. Otherwise, that's just advertisement, which has a purpose of making a load of $$ off of the American public if they can guilt us into it. Instead, you can simply not play the game and giddily make your own card or letter, and if anything more is called for, that's completely up to the two of you. A dime doesn't have to be spent.

I strongly dislike the selfish attitude of outrageous entitlement that the media uses to depict women at Valentine's Day, as if we're all a bunch of greedy, self-centered snots who have to be paid in expensive presents to be kept happy. That is disgusting. Hell, any person (male or female) who behaves that way doesn't deserve to receive anything on any holiday, IMO. :ponder:

As to what to do, I prefer keeping all holidays equal, so if I get something, so does he, but it doesn't always have to be that way. Sometimes he's picked up something for me, and other times, I'm the giver instead. We're just mindful that advertising is very manipulative, so we don't participate in the machinations of the media. Hey, we're diehard longhairs and have been for years. It's sort of part and parcel of being non-conformists. :twisted:

My S/O and I really don't give much attention to this day apart from every other day. I don't need a commercial holiday to encourage me to make sure the person I love knows I love them.
Maybe I will get a card to give, but I am a big card giver anyway.

Last Valentines, I made him a card; Darkwing Duck card, to be exact. He completely surprised me with learning how to play "Girl is on my Mind" by The Black Keys on his violin. The day we met, we started talking because we both mentioned that band, as we both totally loved them. So, he played the song and then gave me a bunch of balloon animals he made: a heart with two doves on it, yellow flowers and a monkey on a palm tree. My grandparents were in town on Valentines Day, so my family and my boyfriend and I went out to dinner at Fresh Choice. It was an amazing day.

We tell eachother a couple times a day how much we love eachother, as we're long distance now, since it's not bringing home food the other loves or renting a movie the other loves or just hugging or kissing. It's got to be more overt now.

We're not into big expensive presents for any holidays. We buy eachother things that the other needs or wants, randomly, and it's never really been around the holidays. We totally rock the personable gifts.

When he asked, during the holidays, what I wanted as a gift I told him that having him home for that month would be the greatest present ever.

For Valentines this year, since he transfered schools and we've turned from living together to long distance, I bought a plane ticket to visit for 5-6 days. Other than that, I'm making him a card and bringing down a couple things from his mom's house that he's been missing while at school.

I strongly dislike the selfish attitude of outrageous entitlement that the media uses to depict women at Valentine's Day, as if we're all a bunch of greedy, self-centered snots who have to be paid in expensive presents to be kept happy.

The ad agencies hate people like me, I'd rather have chocolate than diamond doodads. :D

My birthday is on Valentines day. So I never really celebrated it with anyone special or close to me. And half the time when I tell some one when my birthday is, I get the funniest reactions.

Hey MedievalHair, my birthday's on Feb. 13th, and we're both 16 so we're only one day apart. Cool.

I think Valentine's Day is nice in theory, but in my opinion it's become over-commercialized. Besides, people should show each other love every day. :inlove:

Yes, people should show love every day. But every day gets very routine. I like Valentines Day because it's about making a bit of an extra effort to show ones love.
This doesn't mean it's about presents! Goodness knows, I'm sick of the rampant consumerism and if I hear one more "Every kiss begins with K" I'm going to scream.

I'm really fond of exchanging letters, having a picnic if it's nice enough, and just doing something out of the ordinary. My DH and I usually go to a movie, since we don't get to go out often. I just like spending time with him.

I don't mind having a day set aside, once a year, to remind us of love. It's just harder to see with all that materialsm in the way.

I usually get my boyfriend something small, and he usually gives me something small in return. Last year, for example, I bought him a shirt and a few bits of Lush, and he gave me a Cushtie, after me complaining that I wasn't sleeping well due to the pillows in our flat.

This year I got him a copy of "The Motorcycle Diary", a bar of dark chocolate and a joke-y pair of socks that say "The world's best boyfriend" :lol:

ETA: I also believe that we should show our love to the people we love everyday, but seeing as my darling and I live 1000 miles apart at the moment, Valentine's is a good excuse to be extra soppy :lol:

We like to exchange cards and have a nice meal with champagne, but that's mostly because we love champagne and use any excuse at all to get a bottle! We also have a bottle at the end of every month to celebrate the day we met (28 October) and the day we got married (30 April). Yeah, we're saps.

He usually gets me some cheap flowers somewhere and I get him a little surprise, under $20.

I know several people who celebrate "Volentine's Day" on the 15th, a celebration of vacant restaurants and half-price chocolates and roses!

We buy each other presents all the time- so v-day is just another day. We don't need a day to be sweet to each other. So everyday is V-day.

I don't believe in a gender divide for this (eta: I am a UKer, FWIW). The first year, I sent my BF beautiful deep red roses with ivy in a glass vase. He was absolutely gobsmacked that someone should do such a thing for him.

Last year when money was very tight but I still wanted to do something, I made a CD with tracks that had a special meaning for us both and mailed it to him (we don't get to see each other very often). I know it meant a great deal to him, all the more because I had spent a lot of time and trouble doing it.

This year I've got him a T shirt and baseball cap that have a Velcro panel on the front and letters to stick on, and have put an appropriate message on each. He can reconfigure the lettering afterwards to whatever he wants.

It's interesting to read all the different viewpoints. I also tend to see Valentine's as a commercially induced holiday, but I also got the impression that it is quite deeply established in American culture; so it's good to have some input, since this Valentine's will be the first for me to celebrate with an American boyfriend. I was remembering my former roommate in California (23-year old college student) telling me that "any woman would be REALLY pissed off at her BF if he didn't get her some REALLY big present on V-Day!" -- I am glad that there are more people apart from me who don't think this is how it should be.

Valentine's Day is more important to us than it would be for most. We first met 3 years ago 2 hours before Valentine's Day, our 1 1/2 year wedding anniversary is also 4 hours before Valentine's Day. So last year we spoiled each other, and this year we will too.

But we don't spoil each other with monetary things. Last year it was a very nice evening at home, with hand dipped (by me) chocolate strawberries. And handmade (by me) massage oil. We spoiled each other rotten with strawberries and massages!

This year I'm planning a picnic dinner on the bay, homemade carmels and mead.

I asked him what he wanted for Valentine's Day and he said a teddy - so I bought him the cutest, softest teddy I could find and a box of chocolates (he loves chocolates!). But I also bought what I know he really meant by teddy and I will surprise him with that later :wink:

I have to say - being disloyal to my sex - that I get the feeling some women want to get a big present from their unfortunate SO mainly so they can boast about it to their equally shallow and grasping female friends.

I have to say - being disloyal to my sex - that I get the feeling some women want to get a big present from their unfortunate SO mainly so they can boast about it to their equally shallow and grasping female friends.
*DING DING DING* We have a winner! I agree 100000000% :inlove:

I have to say - being disloyal to my sex - that I get the feeling some women want to get a big present from their unfortunate SO mainly so they can boast about it to their equally shallow and grasping female friends.

I think this Queen of Wands comic (http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f80/SaliceMalkin/StupidGirlMotives.jpg)sums it up pretty well. NSFW language.

Nightshade that just cracked me up!

signed shrimp - a woman who has never been bought flowers but use dot buy them for herself every week.

I don't think theres anything wrong with Valentines Day- commercials or no its still Valentines. Imo its about the motives of the person giving and recieving.

There are women that love jewelry, candy, flowers..thats ok, they may only get that once a year.
If its just surface greed and not about love, that gets back to motives.

While I don't care for diamonds, I do like certain types of jewelry. I have piercings, so I like surgical steel and titanium. My husbie has gotten me jewelry, flowers and presents of various kind, and vice versa.

I say the couple should do what they like for Valentines. I also agree with the poster that said it should be daily and not just once a yr.

Eh, I've just seen too much of it not to resent my gender. So many, "OMG I NEED flowerz!" And that isn't enough, they HAVE to be delivered to work so everyone can SEE that YOU got flowers :rolleyes:

When my fiance worked on motherboard repairs, the first thing the harpys would do when someone got engaged was to take the ring and stuff it under a microscope to try to determine the clarity, and therfore, the cost of the diamond. It's nauseating.

And don't get me started on "Sweetest's Day." Apparetnly Halloween cards don't sell that well or something.

I just think that may women feel they are "owed" things on V-Day and don't return to their other half in kind. It shouldn't be about one person, it should be a sharting between two people. I find the oblogation to HAVE to do something on that one day of the year stupid and shallow.

My fiance and I call it "Take the Cats to the Vet Day" cause that's what we do. It's a nice reminder for their shots ;)

I recently came home from a weekend at a friends. I'd left late, but I wanted to be home that night to sleep in my own bed. I got home about 3am to find that my fiance had made me a custom desktop for my computer and posted it there, just because.

He also had been out walking and had found a HUGE pair of dragonfly wings on the ground and brought them home for me because he thought they looked like faerie wings. I framed them, and I love that he saw them and thought of me *for no reason at all*.

I think that's why I don't like Valentine's day, it's an obligation, it's expected, and that makes it a LOT less special. THat's why my fiance and do things at random for one another. 8)