Someone I know in a passing sort of "Hi, how are you?" kind of way stopped me the other day and asked me if I had bobby pins holding up my bun (I had used two good hair days hair pins and added a hair stick for decoration) she has BS length hair herself, so I showed her what I had done, and related that I had just started to be able to use hair sticks effectivly. This is the first time I have spoken more than ten words to this woman.

So, over the weekend, I made her two hairsticks (bought from firemountiangems.com) put in a couple hair pins, and some 'do directions from dressy tresses,and this site address (naturally) and dropped it off in her mailbox.

Here's the thing, she hasn't said anything. Now, I'm wondering if I offended her by giveing her something so personal when we hardly know each other? I don't want her to gush with thanks, that's not what I did it for, I did it because I WANTED to, but the more I thought about it, I wondered if it might have bothered her.

What do you think? Thanks for the input.

If she had any manners she would have just thanked (is that even a word!) you.
And I think you did a wonderful favour to her and I wouldīve felt
honoured if I was her.
And if she did get offended (HELLO!) itīs nothing for you to get
worried about.
People like these are just not worth it!
SHE came to YOU in the first place, not vice versa. :|
These days I very much compliment beautiful hair-owners
and people do appreciate when you demonstrate genuine interest.

...and if she is reading this thread: ITīS NEVER TOO LATE TO
THANK PEOPLE! And wellcome! :D

My first thoughts:

1. Does she know they were from you? Yeah, I know it seems like it should be obvious, but did you include a note?

2. Does she know how to get in touch with you?

3. Maybe she thought you were giving her a subtle message that her hair is messy or could look better.

4. Maybe her schedule has been so full or she's been distracted with personal issues that she hasn't had a chance to think about the hairsticks.

5. Maybe she can't figure out how to use them and is embarrassed.

6. Maybe she's paranoid and thought she was being "stalked."

7. Maybe she's shy.

8. Maybe she hasn't checked her mailbox yet.

9. Maybe she was afraid to open a package from someone she doesn't know well or whose name she didn't recognize.

10. Maybe she thought you were "coming on" to her and got scared.

------

I dunno -- there probably are many possible reasons why she hasn't said anything. Why not ask her about them the next time you pass each other?

By the way, I think it was incredibly sweet and thoughtful of you to make hairsticks to give to her!!! :D

Oh my, I would have been over the moon. :o

Maybe she is not offended but embarrassed in case she felt that it was something that she said that made you feel that you had to do something for her. :confused: Sorry I hope you understand what I mean.

Anyway whatever the reason it is still impolite to just ignore the fact that you have given her this gift.

If I were you I would try not to feel offended and just ignore her behaviour and if you see her act as normal and smile or whatever. The next move should come from her and I think you have been so kind and generous, so don't worry about it anymore. :D

Since writing this Pixna has put it so much better than me :!:

I say don't worry about it. You did something nice and it's up to her to acknowledge it as such. If she is shy or whatever, she should still say thank you...not saying it, well, there is just no excuse! I agree it's extremely bad manners, but then again that seems to be the trend these days *sigh*.

Next time you see her, you can say hello ask her subtly, did you like the hair sticks? I am bold like that...and this usually clues the other person as to the fact that they should have said "something". You can also state that you chose the color for her or something to the effect and it softens the comment a bit.

Good luck!

While it is bad manners not to thank someone, sometimes people have issues in their own lives that make it difficult. I have "thank you" issues to the point where I prefer that people not do nice things for me. It embarasses me to say "thank you," as if it's an admission of weakness. This is a problem from way back in my childhood and I don't honestly know where it came from. Might have been as simple as being shamed for being late on thank you notes after Christmas. The guilt and shame is immense, to where I feel guilty if I'm given anything.

My own policy on gift-giving is that I am giving with no strings attached. I don't want a reciprocal gift, I don't even care if I get a "thank you" (I'm almost as embarrassed being thanked as I am saying thank you.) I don't like it when gifts obligate the recipient to do anything. The recipient should say "thank you," because it's good manners, but if I'm going to be angry that someone didn't thank me, I feel I'm not giving the gift in the proper spirit.

I know I have a strange worldview and I try really hard not to be rude. I'm training my kids to be prompt and gracious in their "thank yous." I'm just trying to say that your friend might be like me... not offended, just embarassed, overwhelmed, and a little scared, through absolutely no fault of yours.

Or she could just have bad manners.

I think what you did was wonderful.

Thanks a lot. I was worried I might have made her uncomfortable, and you know how it is once you start mulling over something like that...the mind runs away with it. Thanks for the insights.

I'd just ask her, "Did you get the box I left for you?" Because I'd be dying of curiousity. And if I did offend her (although it would be strange for someone to get offended over a gift), I'd want to smoothit over ASAP.

Tea Lady

I agree with what Dweam said...I would just ask her if she recieved them, if she did, did she like them.

I hope you find out, and I hope she has a good excuse, hope it wasn't rudeness.

If she is just rude, don't waste time thinking about it, you did a nice thing!

I've always loved the saying, 'Practice random acts of kindness' :D

I've always loved the saying, 'Practice random acts of kindness' :D

No offense to anyone, but I absolutely loathe that phrase. "Practice random acts of kindness and senseless beauty". Random kindness implies that one needn't bother being kind to everyone, just once in awhile if you're in a generous mood. A truly kind person strives to be kind to everyone, although they may not always succeed. And what in Bob's name is senseless beauty? Look up the definition of senseless and you'll see words like meaningless, foolish, or stupid. I don't associate beauty with any of those things. /rant

Mastiffmom, what you did was a lovely gesture. Maybe the lady feels embarrassed accepting a gift because she can't reciprocate, but she still should have thanked you.

I'm off to practice senseless acts of randomness. :twisted:

bunniee the grouch

I'm off to practice senseless acts of randomness.

:shock: I can't stop laughing at this. :D :D :D :D

Hi Mastiffmom,

Personally I would have been touched
if someone did something like that for me.

I probably would have been on cloud 9 all
day. This world is so impersonal I don't
know how you could let something so kind
go un-noticed.

Don't change a thing about yourself. The
problem is her not you. Her reaction doesn't
take away from what you did, but it does
say something about her.

Rhiannon

If someone did that to me I would be so grateful!! Good hairsticks are hard to find here.

I have noticed, however, that friends who are not into hair care don't appreciate it one bit if I give them shampoos and conditioners for birthday present. I might think the shampoo is sent from above, but they usually say that they didn't notice any difference and probably secretly wonders what possessed me to buy such an expensive hair products for a gift.

I also remember an incident from my teenage years. I met a girl who was a friend with a long lost childhood friend of mine. "How is she?" I asked. "Does she still look the same?". "Yes" the girl answered. "She still has the same long brown hair. However, she can be just a little annoying about it. She always tells us about haircare, and we're tired of it. Last birthday she gave me a wide tooth comb, and explained that it isn't good to brush through wet hair. That's really annoying, and that won't stop me from brushing my wet hair. But otherwise she's a great friend". :D

Some friends, on the other hand, they love to receive shampoo gifts. I guess it just depends on the friend. Friends actually tend to give you what they want yourself, and we tend to give what we'd like to receive ourselves. I have another shampoo friend, and we tend to shower each other in hair care products when it's birthday time. I've learned to keep it calm with the rest of the friends, though :D

If you just explain to her that hair care is your biggest hobby, then I doubt there will be any problem :) Maybe she just didn't see your motivation for the gift, and therefore got a little surprised? I'm sure you'll sort it out, though :) Or maybe she just isn't good at receiving gifts and compliments, or maybe she just isn't the Thank You kind of girl?

I am on the same wavelength as Feye.

If you gave them to one of us "hair-obsessed", then we would be doing back flips. But an average hair consumer may have a different reaction, i.e. Pixna's post.

Personally, I'd love you forever..............

But I do hope that no matter what she does with them, she will think *how sweet that someone thought enough about me to do this for me*.

I always read that "random acts" quote as doing it for people who might not expect it.....smile at people as you walk down the street, admire someone's garden as you go past and they are working in it....thank people for things, give credit where it's due. People are astonished by generosity these days, but it's so ridiculously easy to make people happy and feel appreciated.

Bees

Mastiffmom, what you did was so sweet! In
my opinion, there is absolutely no excuse
for her to not send a thank you note, or thank
you personally for your thoughtful gift.
:evil:

Unfortunately, for some reason these days,
those are very rare. When this happens to me,
I often contemplate how someone can receive
a gift from someone and have no response. I would
be mortified to receive something from someone and
completely ignore it. But it seems to happen so often.

Try not to feel bad (I know it's hard :( ) and know that there
are people out there like you that have the good manners
and kindness to reciprocate. Eventually, your kindness will
uncover more of them, and you will feel so much better!
:love:

Mastiffmom, what you did was so sweet! In
my opinion, there is absolutely no excuse
for her to not send a thank you note, or thank
you personally for your thoughtful gift.
:evil:

Unfortunately, for some reason these days,
those are very rare. When this happens to me,
I often contemplate how someone can receive
a gift from someone and have no response. I would
be mortified to receive something from someone and
completely ignore it. But it seems to happen so often.

So sad......but so true. :evil: :nono:

Hey maybe she hasn't had time to say thankyou yet 'cause she is too busy at LHC reading all the great info & playing with her new toys! Well, ya never know...the thank you might still come. What a sweet idea. :)