Most people who know me will tell you I am a trusting wife, in the sense that it does not bother me to see Hubbs go out and have a good time. Heck- I encourage "male bonding" but Hubbs isn't one to go out. Ever.
Until yesterday...

There is a guy that works with Hubbs that he gets along with. Said person is from a former Soviet Union country and Hubbs is one of the few people who has taken the time to try and get to know this person. He is forever asking Hubbs over to see his house, etc. Well yesterday, he decided to go. I was very happy, because getting Hubbs to do anything with anyone other than myself is like pulling teeth. Impacted teeth. :lol: He left after the Browns game; about 4:30pm. He *did not* leave a number where he could be reached (something I *always* do).

10:00pm comes around. I'm thinking to myself "Okay- 10:00. He should be home soon." I think the same thing at 11:00 and at midnight.

Around 1:00am, I start to worry. Actually, it alternated between "I'm going to kill that SOB" and "Oh my gosh- what if the car went off the road and no one can see it?"
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Around 4:00am, I decide to curl up on the couch and tell myself that if I don't hear anything by 8:00am, I'll have to start calling hospitals.
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At 4:45am :shocked: I hear the car pull into the driveway. I greet Bright Boy at the door. He hasn't even closed the car door, and he's saying "Baby- I am so sorry. I know what time it is. I didn't realize what time it was until I left. I am so sorry." I asked him if he's ever used a phone before. "by the time I thought to call, I figured you were asleep." To say I was P!$$ed would be the understatement of the year. :hatchet: :hatchet: :hatchet:

I asked him if he was hungry. "Oh no. M's wife made these to die for cabbage rolls and M made homemade pizza." Well guess what? I *am* hungry. I have been up all night waiting on you, too upset to eat. We went to the 24 hour diner for breakfast.

He said he would take me with him next time :rolleyes: Because his friend has already invited him back. He also made the comment that now I know how he felt when I went to meet my "Internet" friends, not knowing if they were murderers or not. :rolleyes:
BTW Speedy- I'll bring that axe back to you as soon as I'm done with it. :twisted: :hatchet:
I pointed out to him that the invitation had been extended to him as well, but no- he didn't see it that way.

While I am happy that Hubbs has finally found a buddy to chum around with, I am not happy over the fact that he stayed out all night .

Rant over!!! :lol:

:blueeek:

I have only been through that once, thank goodness.

Sending a hug to you, and...

...I promise not to bring an axe :hatchet: next time we meet either. :wannabe:

...I promise not to bring an axe :hatchet: next time we meet either, :wannabe:
I was thinking you could bring the potato shooter. You know- stun 'em first. :twisted:

I was thinking you could bring the potato shooter. You know- stun 'em first. :twisted:

There you go...fix the problem AND make dinner all at once...BRILLIANT! :D

I really don't think they have any idea what they do to us when they pull that crapola.

Ugh, I hate it when guys do that stuff! :rolleyes: Thank goodness my boyfriend now knows that I'll freak out and worry so he always calls when he's doing something. Of course, that means if I don't hear anything then yes, there's probably a problem. :bigeyes: eek!

Dad pulled that when he and Mom were first married. He came home to find 2 police cars at the house--Mom had called them in a dead panic. :lol: (things were a bit different in the late 60's :grin: ) He learned very quickly to CALL HIS WIFE!

My brother and I were well trained, too. We didn't have a curfew in high school because we always let them know where we were and when we expected to leave.

KK,

Does your husband have a cell phone? I read your post, and it doesn't seem like you called his cell phone.

Whenever DH and I separate, we make sure we have our cell phones with us so the other person can contact the other.

KK, no need to bring an axe. I'll bring you some fuzzy handcuffs instead. Kill two birds with one stone that way. http://www.declipsed.com/lhc/evil-laugh.gif

:wink:

Speedy

I would be absolutely LIVID, KK! That is not acceptable. Period. :nono: It sounds like you handled it very well, though. If it were me, I'd have a few (dozen) choice words to say to my husband, but then again, I'm like that. Fairly calm most of the time but get me mad and that's it.

I start to panic if somebody is five minutes late :lol:

I am so sorry that happened :grouphug: Do something for yourself today and relax :flowers:

Thanks everyone for the love! :inlove:
I think Snowy's right; they just don't realize what they put us through. :rolleyes: As far as calling- evidently, Hubbs missed that day in class (Calling Your SO 101) and didn't sign-up for the make-up test. :silly:

KK,

Does your husband have a cell phone? I read your post, and it doesn't seem like you called his cell phone.

Whenever DH and I separate, we make sure we have our cell phones with us so the other person can contact the other.
Yes he has one, but it was being charged. And of course, I didn't think to give him mine. :rolleyes:

There you go...fix the problem AND make dinner all at once...BRILLIANT! :grnbiggri
The secret's in the sauce. :twisted:

wonderlywroughte- I'm glad your BF calls you now. :grin:

Speedy- :rollin:

I would be absolutely LIVID, KK! That is not acceptable. Period. :nono: It sounds like you handled it very well, though. If it were me, I'd have a few (dozen) choice words to say to my husband, but then again, I'm like that. Fairly calm most of the time but get me mad and that's it.
I knew I liked you for a reason Elle. :twisted: :flowers:

nastasska- thanks. :flowers: Oh- I did something nice for myself; I went shopping. :twisted:

... Oh- I did something nice for myself; I went shopping. :twisted:

Nothing like a shopping spree as a consolation prize. :twisted: Not that I am enabling that or anything. :roll:...:wannabe:

Aaah shopping so soothing :wink:

KK, no need to bring an axe. I'll bring you some fuzzy handcuffs instead. Kill two birds with one stone that way. http://www.declipsed.com/lhc/evil-laugh.gif

:wink:

Speedy

*kinky*:silly:

Kim, i'm sorry you didn't get any sleep...callie says *meep*:inlove:

I have to confess that I did that to my boyfriend once. My sister and I went shopping, I didn't get back to my dorm until close to 2 am. He had left 5 messages on my voice mail. My sister and I missed our 9 o'clock msn messenger conversation with our mom, so she was worried. My boyfriend and my mom where calling back and forth to each other, and trying to get in touch with my friends on campus, and my sister's husband.

Needless to say both my sister and I bought cell phones shortly after.

But my boyfriend has done this to me before. He will be hanging out at band practice, playing, and lose track of time and forget to call.

I know that feeling... "If he isnt dead, I'm going to kill him." :lol:
Last time N did that it was because he was playing video games and lost track of time. Dork. ;)

you say the guy is russian? Well, gotta tell you, when russians generally socialize, it does mean eating tons of food, and drinking till about 4-5ish. it's a cultural thing. i have some close friends from russia as well.

KK, sorry you had to deal with that.

I sent DH to the store for bread one time and he was gone 4-1/2 hours. Now I send him with a small child. It's hard to be gone very long with a 5 year old that has to potty every 30 minutes.

You know, Koala, if he's NEVER done this before, I'd be tempted to let him slide on it. I mean: let him know you are mad/upset, but then give him a free pass (of course on the stipulation that he doesn't think it's okay to do that to you and now knows to CALL no matter what time of day/night it is) I mean, he came in the door apologizing all over himself, and if he normally doesn't do this sort of stuff...

A guy who is decidedly happy at home and give me no reason to ever fret or worry about fidelity? He's worth his weight in gold and I'm more apt to give him the benefit of the doubt. If Dave ever came in late like that, I would know it was because he'd totally lost track of time (heck, he'd probably have been ASLEEP; he's a real "goes to bed with the chickens" kind of guy) and not because he was being rude to me.

In fact, one time he DID do something like that to me: I was working at a bar (we were newly married) and got off at 2AM. I called him to come get me because we only had the one car. Well, I call him from a payphone booth on the corner because the BAR didn't have a phone that called-out (weird, I know, but that's how it was) and so there I am, standing on Monroe Street in Spokane, at 2AM on a Saturday night. NOT a wholesome place to be. Well, he should've been there in about 20 minutes. But he wasn't. I waited an HOUR, and called him again. He'd fallen back asleep and thought he DREAMT that I'd called. Of course I gave him an earful and he came for me in about 7 minutes (broke all land-speed records getting there) and felt HORRIBLE, but my point is that: he never gave me any reason to doubt his sincerity and has been so faithful and GOOD to me in ALL other things, I couldn't hold that one thing against him. Heck, he got up at 4AM to go to HIS job, and I made him get out of bed at 2AM to get me from mine? He was BEAT!

So, he screwed up bigtime this once. Go with him the next time, be ready to be out til the COWS come home, and enjoy some really good cooking. I'll bet they're nice people, to keep him oblivious to the time til 4AM, and you'll have a nice time, too.

Hugs to you, KK, I'd have been fretting and worrying myself, you're not alone!!!!
Mwa!
Lisa

Thanks again to everyone for sharing your stories with me. :flowers:
I *never* realized how common this seems to be. :silly:

you say the guy is russian? Well, gotta tell you, when russians generally socialize, it does mean eating tons of food, and drinking till about 4-5ish. it's a cultural thing. i have some close friends from russia as well.
Thanks for the info Piperdiva! :flowers:

Hubbs *did* mention that everytime he said he should be going, they would jump up and show him something else, etc. He also said that when he finally managed to get into the car and turned the headlights on, both M & his wife had very woebegone looks on their faces. :lol:

Kim, i'm sorry you didn't get any sleep...callie says *meep* :inlove:
How can I stay mad when Callie is sending me love meeps? :inlove: :cloud9: :inlove:

I tend to agree with LJ.

It may be good to get into a cell phone charging routine. The phones go on their chargers every night, even if the charge hasn't completely been used, and are good to go every morning. The charger becomes their regular "night storage spot."

I only have a cell phone, no land line, and that's what works for me. Having the cell on the charger during the day when you're out and about is a problem, as you discovered.

(If this isn't convenient, move the chargers to wherever is convenient for overnight phone storage. Mine is on my nightstand.)

Well, here's a laugh for you ....

Hubby and I drive to work together. So, one day, he drops me off at the grocery store so I could run in and pick up a cake for a meeting. He goes to drop son off at school (3 blocks from the store) and then is supposed to come back and pick me up.

Well, you guessed it. He FORGOT me. And drove ALL THE WAY TO WORK before it dawned on him.

I held that over his head for quite a while.

I sent DH to the store for bread one time and he was gone 4-1/2 hours. Now I send him with a small child. It's hard to be gone very long with a 5 year old that has to potty every 30 minutes.

How do you stay gone for 4 and a half hours for bread?


And yes, Russians are hardcore party people. I know a few of them, and when we get together its hard to get back out of the door.

TSF: Hahahahaha, I am so sorry to be laughing so hard at that, but it is a funny story and you DID say "here's a laugh for ya"... ;) When you said "he left to drop the boy off at school", I just KNEW where this was going. Poor Hubby, I bet he felt bad about that! Partly because he felt bad about leaving you, but partly because he knew he was going to PAYYYY for that one for awhile!

Men are so cute sometimes...

I feel for you Koala. My dh did this a few times too when we first got married. The last time he did it I had gone really ballistic. He knew I was serious when I told him that if it happened again and he didn't call that I would change the locks and not let him in. That cured it.

I agree with LJ, if it's not a habit I would cut him some slack.

Men are so cute sometimes...

I think you meant to say brain dead:lol:
KK, sorry you had to go through that. I definitely would have kicked some butt when he walked in the door. I am not the type to be able to cut him some slack because if you let them think even once that they can get away with that behavior then they'll do it again. It sounds like I am talking about dog training or something and I am laughing at myself as I type this but its true. Also, how do you think he would have acted if the shoe was on the other foot and you came in the door at almost 5am? Just a thought. :rolleyes:

It may also do good to remind hubs (and yourself) that if the cell phone isn't available, it is perfectly acceptable to ask to use someone's home phone to make a brief local call. Given how ubiquitous cell phones are these days, it is easy to forget that option.

While there are fewer pay-phones these days, that is another alternative.

That also means you have to answer all incoming calls, not just ones where you recognize the number. Because if you agree to call, even on other lines, the other person has to answer, to make the system work.

It seems he was thinking about you, wanted to get home to you, or let you know what was going on, but there was a technical communications problem. (No cell phone.) Work around the technical problem, and the actual problem won't happen again, because it wasn't a problem of will or oversight, just technology. In this case, contingency communications plans and systems, so that there is an agreed-upon and thought out backup for the lack of cell phone.

He knows your mad, and he feels bad because he knows he messed up.

If you focus on fixing the communications situation (a consistent plan to charge the cell phones at night, remembering alternative ways to call, answering calls that may be "alternative"), he'll appreciate that you're not blaming him, but helping fix the situation so this doesn't happen again. And you'll feel better, because you know there are planned alternatives if someone can't get home as planned, rather than just relying on good intentions to remember to call.

LJ & Ursula- what the two of you said makes sense. Believe me, if I had not already decided to let this one slide (because as I stated at the beginning, he never goes out and "plays"), he would've found himself locked out of the house, ala Chameleon. :wink:

It was just the idea of him not even thinking to ask to borrow their phone for a minute to let me know he was alive.
I remember when I was young- there were a couple of times my dad did not come home for days. Of course, mom always managed to find him (we didn't have a phone until I was 6), or he'd find his way home drunk(this was before he stopped drinking every time he turned around). So maybe that played into it a little.

Oh- another thing. He & I both are notorious for not turning our cell phones on. So, even if he did have his cell yesterday, odds are good that it would not have been on. Or that he would've remembered to call. :rolleyes:

CurlyBrunette- I *so* totally agree with you. I did indeed let him know I was not a happy camper. If this does ever happen again... :hatchet:

Koala, those scenes with your dad must have been rambling through your mind when Hubbs didnt' come home and didn't come home, and I am sure played into your aggravation with him. I'm so glad he's not the sort to do that kind of "user-ish" behaviour to you; sounds like you have a nice husband who just got carried away with a new friend.

As for cutting slack: totally depends on the type of guy. If he's (by nature) a user-type (self-absorbed, still working on house-training ;) ) then you can't cut them much slack or you get taken advantage of at every turn. If he's a nice and genuinely caring fella, then cutting slack just keeps the machine running smoothly. The punishment fits the crime. Holding David continually accountable for an honest mistake would have added GRIT to the cogs of our smooth-running machine and that would be detrimental; if David were a pig and a user, then he would need to be beat on a daily basis to keep him in line. The method of dealing with the problem depends entirely on the personality of the fella you're working with.

I have three sons. One is more strong-willed and I had to use certain "buttons" to push to get him to obey (for him, "hitting him in the wallet" or "curbing his social interactions" was the best way to reprimand him). Another is semi-strongwilled, but tends toward sullenness, so a reprimand where he knows he's out of line, but knows also that there's grace and mercy is what works for him. The third is very soft-hearted and a mere discouraging word is plenty to snap him back into shape. For him, there are no more powerful words than "I'm so disappointed" and that's the end of that! But those words bounce off the strong-willed one (would make him laugh, actually) and wouldn't work well with the second, either. They all need different tactics; you really have to guage your audience, I suppose you could say...

So, Koala, when're you going over to the Russian family's house with your hubby? (both of you with cellphones turned ON)

So, Koala, when're you going over to the Russian family's house with your hubby? (both of you with cellphones turned ON)
I'm not exactly sure. I suggested the four of us go out for dinner, and Hubbs said "What?!? Why would we do that? What if M's wife wants to make some more cabbage rolls?" :rolleyes: :lol:

And I'm sure you're right about those "old times" going through the back of my mind. :flowers:

I really *do* love the big lug. Even if he *does* act like a big lug sometimes. :lol:

My DH has always been bad about calling. And he knows I'm a worrier! He's gotten much better, but still does it occasionaly. The most recent incident was last fall, when he went to Europe on tour with a band he works for. Dropped him off at the airport, and then I didn't hear from him for over a week. No phone call, no email, nothing. Yeah... he was in a bit of trouble for that. And not just with me - the whole family was angry about it. :evil:

In my case it's not a trust issue, either. It's worry. I can and will imagine the worst! :bigeyes:

My theory about why my DH does it - he's never had anything happen to someone close to him. He's never gotten one of those dreaded phone calls. So he usually doesn't think about it from that perspective. If that makes sense!

Russians party loud and long!
It´s a cultural thing.
When I was waiting on tables in my former life I had people coming for lunches and normally when they were happy with water, the Russian touristes ordered a bottle of vodka:lol: .
So you are lucky he came home in the morning at all. The odds were, he was to stay there for a few days...

And yes, he deserves a few chosen words but he was taken over a force far greater than he is:silly: .

And next time you go over with DH, you´ll probably find a true meaning of a warm household:inlove: .

Slavic mentality is very grand, melancholy, and is served on frozen vodka.
How else do you think us northern countries would´ve survived!:hooched:

My BF knows that I want to know where he is, and usually calls. I have learned over the years, though, that he is always late. 5 o'clock usually means more around 5.30, so I don't get upset if he's a bit late.

My ex used to put me through stuff like that all the time. Going out on friday night, getting home on sunday. Never called and turned his cell off. I'm glad I got out of that relationship.

Does your husband know about what your father did (not coming home for days, returning drunk, etc.)? If not, this may be a useful thing for him to know, that you won't have just reasonable panic, but panic reasonable to someone who went through that kind of nonsense repeatedly during her formative years.

Perhaps you and your husband could try to make a habit of turning your cell phones to vibrate rather than off?

Oh Koala, I know the feeling, Hubs has never been that late, but close...LOL And he should know better because I freak when he is 20 minutes late. I am a worry FULL person. If my daughter is 1 minute late I am searching the neighborhood. But at least he isnt a frequent escaper. Had one of those once, UGH!! Hope he had fun, but next time ring the darn phone. M and his wifs surely have one or a pay phone close by. Sorry he did this to you. We women really have enough to think about already. Why put the added stress on anymore?? At least he LOVES YOU!!

How do you stay gone for 4 and a half hours for bread?

My husband is a grand yakker. He knows everybody and will visit with anybody. He got tied up with a couple of his hunting buddies, telling hunting stories I'm sure, and lost track of time.

He did have my bread though, which came in handy for hitting him over the head. :twisted:

Oh Kim I am so sorry you had to deal with this. It must have been worse in light of your childhood experiences. I'm inclined to agree with LJ and say give him a free pass on this one. Of course that doesn't mean not making him sweat and grovel in front of you begging forgiveness. :wink: He needs to know he screwed up big time and you aren't going to let it slide next time. Next time the cell phone excuse doesn't work. I don't think you had a problem with where he was and who he was with, just that he didn't have the consideration to let you know?

Now if I could just get Mr. Cranky to go out with the guys once in a while :rolleyes:

I have really enjoyed reading some of the "forgetful" experiences some of you have been through. :lol:

LJ & Ursula- He knows about my childhood, as I do his. There were similiar issues with his dad when he was younger, so it's not a new life lesson for him. :rolleyes:
I hope that this experience has taught him (and me!) a lesson. :grin:

I don't think you had a problem with where he was and who he was with, just that he didn't have the consideration to let you know?
That's it in a nutshell Carolyn. :grin: Amazing how *we* know what I'm talking about, but evidently, so many men do not. :silly:
Now if I could just get Mr. Cranky to go out with the guys once in a while :rolleyes:
Bawahahaha!!! :rollin:
I thought I was the only one who had a Hubbs like that!!! Send him over here; I'll make sure they both go somewhere. :twisted:

Bawahahaha!!! :rollin:
I thought I was the only one who had a Hubbs like that!!! Send him over here; I'll make sure they both go somewhere. :twisted:

:spitting: We can send them somewhere all right. How about you and I go somewhere like Olive Garden and the mall? :wink: Wine, pasta and shopping for hair goodies!

:spitting: We can send them somewhere all right. How about you and I go somewhere like Olive Garden and the mall? :wink: Wine, pasta and shopping for hair goodies!
I like the way you think. :twisted: :smooch:

Slavic mentality is very grand, melancholy, and is served on frozen vodka.

What an eloquent statement! I love it :)