Hey all,
It never fails to amaze me how moms have the patience and know-how to raise a child who is theirs 24/7 and they never get a break, and they have to be there at ALL hours for their kids. Honest I do not want kids, because I simply don't think I have what it takes. I mean I watch my little 2 year old niece sometimes, and even one day makes me a stressed frenzy! She is a wonderful bright intelligent charming little girl, theres nothing wrong with her, shes normal, but I just don't know how you moms keep up day after day. She is such a busy little girl, that after 5 hours, Im racking my brain as to what to do next, and its quite overwhelming sometimes. She also loves to run about, and always wants my attention to "lets do this or that!" and I become quite frazzled easily, and we are talking one day here, only ONE! I don't know how you moms manage to do this 365 days a year! This is why I do not think I would be cut out for mothering, I just don't think I could handle it, and well its better to know that now than to have one and really be frazzled. :lol:

Not everyone wants children and that is okay. You are still young and may change your mind- I didn't decide to have children until I was 28ish and I was 33 when I got pregnant with my dd. It isn't all roses 365 days a year but everyday is a blessing and I wouldn't have missed this for anything in the world.

Thanks for the kudo's, Nenwing. I just go about hoping that I'll get a good day with them once in a while. Today was one of those day. No whining from my 1 yr old. Hooray! It's a miracle. And I think it's perfectly fine if you don't see yourself with kids. I wish everyone would think about what a child would do to their life before having them. I'm very lucky that I have a DH that is there for me and helps out when he can.

I'm sure you have other reasons for your decision, but I wanted to say that babysitting is VERY different from having your own child.

First, you sort of build up your threshold for noise, rambling, etc since you have them from babyhood on. Second, when it is actually your own child, you are less squeemish about changing diapers and different disasters.

They are also much MUCH more facinating when they are your own child. I've never been that fond of children, and I'm still not crazy about other people's children, but I can't begin to describe how much my own children add to my life. :cloud9:

Kelly

Thanks for the replies!
I got maybe about 2 hours of sleep last nite, because every noise she made I was WIDE awake thinking "is she okay? Is she still breathing?" lol. So yea today I have been pretty tired. How do you mothers deal when you or the child(s) are sick? That must be so hard. I remember one time I watched her and well technically "me and dad" were, lol riiiiiight that pretty much means JUST me watches her and dad goes off and does his thing (my dad, niece's grampa), and well that nite she was restless, and 5am she was crying and sick to her tummy. :( The rest of the next day she wasn't feeling good, and wanted "Aunt wauwa" and so I had to carry her around the house while she fell asleep. I know they aren't sick all the time, but when they are whew! Its just something how you moms manage.
-Kelly, you probably are right, Ive heard others say that too, that its not like when its your own child, but still I figure that well its probably something like babysitting, because its the same sort of things you do with your kid. I probably will not have children, but I do greatly admire you mothers! :flower:

I know what you mean, Nenwing!
I figure until I stop kicking my cat out of the house when he annoys me, I should not have children. :lol:
If he really makes me mad, I stick him under the faucet and rub warm water into his fur - 1) it is a punishment, but more importantly 2) it takes him 3 hours to lick himself dry and so I get 3 hours of peace. :twisted: (Naturally I do not have to kick him out of the house for this gambit, so it works much better in the winter than kicking him out does.)

Dvips

i myself am amazed at how i manage sometimes ! kids are great but they can be trying !

I loved animals until I had children. Then I only had patients for one or the other and I chose the children:silly: If I'm gonna clean up poop, I'm gonna get the biggest bang for my buck and my children are more rewarding:smile:
I had my 1st at 21 and thought I knew how to manage pretty well Then I had my 2nd at 23 and realized I didn't know how to manage a 2 year old with an infant. Then I had 5 years of figuring it all out trial and error and constantly second guessing myself. so when the 3rd came at 28 years old, I finally calmed down and realized I'd never know it all, but with each child I learned better how to manage/discipline/love/entertain/enjoy etc... Now when #4 came at 31 years old, I realized that I have learned alot in 10 years!!!! and It is really a snap now. I have 4 and stay at home 24/7 and homeschool the older two and to my own amazement I am SANE and actually enjoying it--even the wild and crazy chaotic days. I was a basketcase when I only had two...go figure... With each child, me and my dh become better parents. practice makes perfect (well, atleast a heck of a lot better!!!). I'm far from perfect, so I'll have to continue having some more little blessings.

We don't manage it. We just simply survive one crisis after another. :lol:

When I was 23, I didnt plan on having any children! Now I am 37, and I have 6 of them!
And one thing is for sure....I would'nt change a thing if given the chance.
Having my beautiful children, has taught me alot about who I was, who I am now, and who I can become! Before them, I was busy being wild on the back of a Harley! I was reckless and self-centred, and did'nt give a damn about much.....now as a mother of six children, I have learnt a bit about making a difference in the lives of others. We homeschool 4 of them and the younger ones will be too. I think that having them around has actually kept me SANE! (Remember, I was CRAZY before them! lol!)
Don't get me wrong, we have our moments and indeed our days where you wish you could flick a switch and they would all turn off! But if I can find a solution that is going to teach my children integrity and self discipline, then I end up learning too!
The love of your children is one of the most enriching qualities of life, and when all is said and done and I look back when I am old at the heritage of my grand children and their children....let it be said "Indeed, I am a wealthy woman!"

well said, and so true!

When I was 23, I didnt plan on having any children! Now I am 37, and I have 6 of them!
And one thing is for sure....I would'nt change a thing if given the chance.
Having my beautiful children, has taught me alot about who I was, who I am now, and who I can become! Before them, I was busy being wild on the back of a Harley! I was reckless and self-centred, and did'nt give a damn about much.....now as a mother of six children, I have learnt a bit about making a difference in the lives of others. We homeschool 4 of them and the younger ones will be too. I think that having them around has actually kept me SANE! (Remember, I was CRAZY before them! lol!)
Don't get me wrong, we have our moments and indeed our days where you wish you could flick a switch and they would all turn off! But if I can find a solution that is going to teach my children integrity and self discipline, then I end up learning too!
The love of your children is one of the most enriching qualities of life, and when all is said and done and I look back when I am old at the heritage of my grand children and their children....let it be said "Indeed, I am a wealthy woman!"

Sometimes the idea of being a parent is scary. But the though is just so beautiful to me. That is why I go back and forth between wanting kids now or later when I am finsihed with school. After all, it will never be "the perfect time."

Wanna really test your 'parenting readiness'? I have two children, they are 10 months apart. One had colic and the other had the flu, all at the same time. That is the very limits of my skills as a mom- endurance wise.

Being a mom isn't for everyone and that's fine. But I can say that I wouldn't trade my little angels for all the money in the world. They are a treasure beyond all things. If and when you think you're ready to tackle it, go to a church nursery or something. If you can handle that, you're loaded for bear.

Until then, enjoy life and know thyself. Everything else will fall into place.

I have three boys. They are 8, 10, and 12. It has been very difficult, but it has also been the most wonderful thing in the world. When they give you a hug, or tell you they love you, there is nothing better in life.

You can never really be prepared for being a parent, but know that it is a lifetime commitment. They will always be your children.

This is why I do not think I would be cut out for mothering, I just don't think I could handle it,

I said the exact same thing when I brought my son home from the hospital. He started crying and after all the shows I watched on being a mother, and all the books I read, and all the people I asked 8 million questions... I was scared to death. Partially because I have none of my own family close by (580 miles away) and because when they cry, you start crying yourself-postpartum I guess. But my mother's words of wisom rang true. She told me, see if he's hungry and if that's not it, see if he needs changed, etc etc.That simplicity, although she said it arrogantly, helped me immensly. It all became second nature. And once I realized how to not put myself first, and still have time for me, I started to enjoy being a mom. Its a rough mix to learn. The mothers here will understand that I'm sure.

Those were difficult times, we had no car, lived in a crummy apartment with no backyard to sit in, and in a terrible neighborhood you couldn't take a stroller around in. No sitter for me to get out, even once a month. I was very isolated. But I got through it, and now I have a second child, a house with a yard, and my own car. Its not new but who cares! I still need a sitter though!:silly: I say, enjoy your youth, there's plenty of time for having a family, and when the time comes, if you decide to have children, you'll know. You don't have to feel rushed or that its even necessary. There are plently of women who don't have children and they are perfectly content. I just always wanted a family of my own-and a chance to "do it right" since my family is disfunctional. But I've since learned to do things for the kids, and not for some other reason(s) like proving I can, or "see how great my kids turned out" or something like that. My kids have matured me greatly! I thank them for that.:smile:

All these wise words are a blessing for me. I've been agonizing about having kids. I like children, I know that I'm instinctively very good with them, but I just don't know if I can make that kind of commitment and take the responsibility!

DancingMegs,When you're ready, you'll know. Judging by your location you listed, you are college age? No hurry. Enjoy your free time, get all the partying out of your system, have a great time, pursue your career etc etc, and then it may seem like the next likely step. But alteast you won't look back and regret things you could've or should've done. It should be an enjoyable experience for you and baby.:flower:

I agree totally. It's been harder for me to be tied down with kids because I really didn't do much in the years before I had them. Now I feel like going places and doing things, and I can't. Still wouldn't trade them for anyhthing, though.

I have 3 precious children and there are 5 years between each one. When I became pregnant with my first it was quite a pleasant surprise (hate to use the word "accident"), he definitely wasn't planned! I was married, but very young and very much a wild child who partied every day. I won't lie, it was a little terrifying, but Mother Nature has her special way of helping us mommies along. There is no way I could ever put into words the feelings I had when I held my son for the very first time. The love was overwhelming, it was the most magical moment of my life.:cloud9:

Also as others posters have said things are very different when it's your own child. Hormones, instinct, and LOVE all come into play. My babies are the loves of my life and though it can be a little crazy around here I wouldn't trade it for anything in this world. I am so proud of my kids I could bust!:inlove: My 12 year old is a tremendous help with my 2 year old. If it wasn't for him I would probably never get to bathe or even use the bathroom!:silly: I homeschool him, but my 7 year old daughter goes to regular school.

My hat goes off to the moms who have more than one baby in diapers at the same time. I stay so busy with mine who are far apart in age and I can't even imagine how busy (and exhausted) they must be! There needs to be some kind of extra special mommy award for them:flower:

My three are all two years apart, so I did have two in diapers at two different times. They are 8, 10, & 12 now, and it's still hard. I just don't know how I did it back then. I also had a job, and a husband who didn't help much.

My three are all two years apart, so I did have two in diapers at two different times. They are 8, 10, & 12 now, and it's still hard. I just don't know how I did it back then. I also had a job, and a husband who didn't help much.Up Lisa, as we say here in the South, BLESS YOUR HEART!!! That is a LOT of work! Not to mention expensive. You must be one tough cookie indeed.:cool:

My mom has always said that motherhood is the hardest job in the world, but also the most rewarding. I have to say I agree!:wink:

I agree totally. It's been harder for me to be tied down with kids because I really didn't do much in the years before I had them. Now I feel like going places and doing things, and I can't. Still wouldn't trade them for anyhthing, though.

I can totally relate. I left home at age 14, had some miserable relationships, married at age 20, and have been tied down with kids ever since. I love my children dearly and for me, its probably the only thing that really grew me up and made me take care of myself correctly. Previously I was on a mission of self-destruction but when I found out I was preggie, it all changed for me. And for the better.

But I wish I had had the chance to get a career, and travel and do some other things. It seems like now I will have to wait till the kids are out of the house or atleast till my youngest is in school full time,:rolleyes: to really persue anything for myself. Kudo's to you for having 2 in diapers at the same time. I didn't have to deal with that. Did you get one completely potty trained before starting training the other one or did you do both at the same time? I realize this thread isn't about training, I just had to ask.:wink:

*I know what we can do, write a list of expenses every week between the infants, toddlers, and school agers before even hitting on food, utilities, gasoline, mortgage, car, taxes, insurance, fundraisers, school clothes, gym uniforms, etc etc. That would help put the brakes on real quick! I haven't bought myself clothes in years.! All I do is sew everything to keep it wearable, just so my kids have what they need. And everything just keeps getting more expensive! I keep a little for hair stuff but I will probably never be able to afford a ficcare.:silly:

I have a 19-year-old, a 2-year-old and am expecting my third, and last, baby in June.

People say raising kids is hard, and that's true, but I never thought life would be easy so maybe that's why having children didn't phase me. Where's the written rule that life is supposed to be easy?

Being the mother of youngsters is one stage of my life. That stage, for me, will have lasted more than twenty years. Then it's on to the next one. I'm glad I'm moving on to it with a nice, rounded family.

Not everybody feels this way. If you don't want to have children...then don't. There is no good reason on earth to have children, except WANTING them. All the "reasons" for having or not having children is nothing stacked up to what's inside your heart. Have them or don't, and you don't need to give anyone a reason for either decision.

I agree with nenwing, hats off to all you wonderful mothers, I'm always in awe and terrified of the whole process, especially the birth part, if I ever got pregnant I'd be such a wimp, I'd beg that baby not to come out and I'd probably manage to screw them up by not being a good mother but I've always found mothers amazing, how much love they have and how they can be so selfless, I'm so proud of my own mother, I can't imagine what you all must go through.

Not everybody feels this way. If you don't want to have children...then don't. There is no good reason on earth to have children, except WANTING them. All the "reasons" for having or not having children is nothing stacked up to what's inside your heart. Have them or don't, and you don't need to give anyone a reason for either decision.


VERY well said!! Listen to your heart. It will guide you down the right path. Trust me on this one, mine has never once been wrong!

All I can say is this: I am rewarded one hundred fold for all my hard work as a homeschooling Mommie.Yes, I have been with them 24/7 for the most part, but for every challenge brings a blessing. At the time, it doesn't seem like it, but time keeps ticking by and the children DO grow up. If you can get through this, you can do anything.

pattye

All I can say is this: I am rewarded one hundred fold . If you can get through this, you can do anything.

pattye

Your wisdom sure does speak volumes. You are so right. My children continually teach me more and more about myself. I never thought I could love or even be loved as much as I do now. It is so rewarding. Whether ready or not, it sure is the ride of a lifetime.! Thank you for your post.

conceiving and birthing your children are the easy part. The hardest part for me has been that I have 2 learning disabled boys on top of a difficult marriage. Most of the time I am a nut case so be sure you are ready

Being a good mother is the hardest job in the world, I think.

Today I became very ill. I was thankful that I didn't have children because there was no way I could lift myself out of bed. I imagined what some poor mothers have to go through; still take care of children when they're sick themselves. So selfless.

I too love my children they are 10 and 7. Some times they are very trying and tiring and then there are other times when one of your children does something so unexpected and sweet that it makes you absolutely melt. The thing about endurance and understanding when they are your own usually you have at least one that is "wired" or weird just like you now talk about fun me and ds can absolutely have a rip roaring ball when it is just us two. Then there is my dd who is just like dh in personality but I have lived with him long enough to know him and his ways plus dd and I really are having fun with hair and fashion and boys. Children become accustomed to the "house rules" just they way things are at your place. That encompasses play, responsibility,rest, mommy/daddy time. Plus remember, did your mom or dad just play with you round the clock? mine didn't I can't say I remember my mom actually engaging in an activity like barbies or board games more than a handfull of times but we are and have always have been very close.

Besides all the wonderful things I hope I have done for my kids (I got 2 very difficult ones, but that's another story), I also have to comment on how much my kids have done for me.

I used to think I was self-reliant, independent, focused. Now the person I used to be seems very selfish and shallow. There is more to life than what *I* care about. My husband and kids have made me see so many other viewpoints, feel so many new things, experience so many issues, appreciate so many other thoughts. They have made me love them, which is both scary and empowering.

I put myself aside for many years while the kids were little, I was soooo busy with them. Now I am going back and spending some time on me. I don't think that's a bad way to do it at all.

I don't think I would have become the mature and loving person I am without my kids prying me out of my comfort zone. Yes, being a mom has been the best thing I have ever done, for me and (I hope) for them. I would be half of me without all the loving, learning and growing of these last many years. Before I was just treading water, now I'm stroking. I guess I'd call it personal fulfillment or realizing my potential.

I'm not saying you should have children just for "you" -- not at all. But it is not all unappreciated hard work. It is demanding, and yes, the hardest job there is. But the rewards are unimaginable. Besides the love and laughter, the warmth and joy, besides helping decent human beings mature and take their place in society, parents find depths in themselves they never knew they had.

I remember a quote by Jayne Mansfield. They asked her, did she like to be called a beauty queen, an actress, a sex symbol, what? She said she liked to be called Mother.

It's definitely different when they are your own. I never liked babysitting - still don't care for it too much, but I definitely love my daughters. They have special loving moments that makes your heart melt, of course there are moments when you want to run away and scream! I believe being a Mom is one of the most rewarding experiences there are. Don't think you wouldn't be a good mom just because you had a "stressful" day with your neice. :silly:

lol. it really is easier to be around kids all day when they are your own. and as with most things in life you just adapt. i never thought i could cope with two, but here i am, we cope we cook we eat etc. i do get a little time to myself but i have a v young baby so i will get more free time as the weeks pass and i get a good routine.

Finally getting back to this. Yes, I did have two in diapers at two different times. Not fun, but I guess I did it. It's like the others said. You do it because they are yours, and you have to. Unless there is something wrong with a Mother's head, she would not dream of not taking the best care of her children that she can.

The summer I turned 19, I watched my 1 yr old brother over a weekend, and it was the absolute most horrid, difficult thing I'd ever done (and I had just graduated lpn school!!). I didn't shower the entire time, and didn't get any sleep (the a/c went out-of course-and I was so extremely afraid that he was going to overheat or something. I had like five fans going in his room, lol).

I had my first at 21, my second 15 months later, and am expecting my third about a week after my second turns two. I love my boys to no end, and being there from the start, it's amazing what kind of patience and intuition you get when you become a mother yourself. I'll have three in diapers for a little while, but honestly, that doesn't bother me, we just deal with it and go on with our day. Whoda thunk I'd be able to make sensible decisions after going more than a week with less than an hour's worth of sleep at a stretch? :D

Being a good mother is the hardest job in the world, I think.

Today I became very ill. I was thankful that I didn't have children because there was no way I could lift myself out of bed. I imagined what some poor mothers have to go through; still take care of children when they're sick themselves. So selfless.

Yes, there are those times that are very trying. I can remember last year, we all had the flu but because I'm the "mom" its all on me. I was so sick I couldn't even get up the strength to get up and go to the bathroom. My daughter just laid on me and cried all day, we both were sweating our fevers out, and I can remember thinking, "Oh, Lord help me. I wish I had someone here to help me out." (My family lives very far away). But know one came and we got better eventually.

And then there are those times that being a mom is the greatest feeling in the world. When my son was 5, we took him to the mall to see "ARchie" who was a 30 ft snowman that asked children what they wanted for Christmas. My DS, went up and told Archie that he wanted to get a dollhouse and a doll for his cousin. Archie asked him, and what do you want for yourself? And my DS said, "That's it, that's all I want." And everyone who heard it just said, "Aww," and they all marveled at his response. My eyes still get filled up every time I think about that.

I used to get stressed out when I would watch my friends small children and think- nope- no kids for me!! So I delayed-
I never had my first until age 38. Now- I could not imagine my life without my two precious boys. I know it's a cliche' but it is different when they're your own.