View Full Version : I feel abandoned....
November 28th, 2004, 08:17 AM
I don't know if this is appropriate for this board but I was wondering if any one has felt like I do right now once opon a time.
I am 20 yrs old and just recently I found out 2 of my best friends are Pregnant now. One just turned 19 in July and the other one is 20 will be 21 in April.
The problem for me is they are not the only one's who are about to give life or have already given it. Right now I only have 3 best friends and a few friends lift from high school. My first one already has a child that she had after she graduated. Then I just found out the my other 2 are expecting now. Then also I just found out the other day that a bunch of people I was friends with in high school that I hadn't seen in a wile just had kids too.
I feel so abandoned, I have really no one to enjoy life with. I have no one really any more to go out and have fun any more cause they have a life to take care of now other then there own or are expecting to have one.
I don't mean to come off rude if I am but I feel so left out now. I am only 20 and I do want to have kids, but now is not my time. I want to enjoy my life. But then I keep thinking I really don't have any one to enjoy it with now any way. I try making new friends, but they never last long cause they always end up stabbing me in the back. So it is really hard for me to trust any one now.
If any one can give me some words or wisdom I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you!
November 28th, 2004, 08:29 AM
Hi Platinum Pixie. I know what you are talking about. There were several times when my friends seemed to be making decisions that I didn't (and it seemed they were "moving away"). Having serious boyfriends, getting married, having children. They are all passages of life.
Broaden your friend base. Do some new things. Go some new places and make some friends. All I can say is hang in there. You are going through a "change" in your life . . . things will even out.
November 28th, 2004, 08:31 AM
I think I can help out a little, seeing as how I would classify in the leaver-outer category and not the left-out...
When I was in high school, I had a ton of friends that I loved doing stuff with. We enjoyed each other's company all the time! But then I got into a serious relationship, which I'm still in, and I didn't seem to have time for anyone else. A lot of my friends thought that I was being selfish and that I should be able to balance the two, but I never seemed to be able to. It eventually got better, and now my SO gets along with my friends and we can all hang out together now.
All of this is to say that it's not that they are leaving you out on purpose, it's just that they have an obligation to someone now, and they've had to reevaluate their priorities, and although it may not seem like they have much time for you right now, they will eventually. Is there anyway that you can be a part of their babies' lives? Or a part of the pregnancy? Maybe you and the expectants can have a girl's night where you three can go to a spa and get pampered or watch movies and gorge on their cravings, or something like that? When my relationship first started, I was so excited that he became my number 1, number 2 and everything else after that. But after a while, I realized that there was a way to share my time and not leave my friends out, and now everything is better!
Have you tried talking to them and letting them know how you feel? If that's not going to solve it, then my best suggestion is to suck it up, be happy for them, and be there for them when they need you, show them what a good friend you can be, and you'll eventually find out if it's worth it to stick around and wait for them to come around, or if it's best to just go out and make new friends.
HTH :flowers: Hannah
November 28th, 2004, 01:55 PM
How open are you to doing the things they want to do? One of my friends had a baby right after high school, and we had to make allowances, because the baby came first. I didn't see a whole lot of her for a couple years. And whenever we wanted to do something, I always made sure she knew the baby could come too. We couldn't do the things we used to do, but we could still do things together. And then I got married, and moved away, and our other friends are off at college and grad school and another one is married, and we rarely have as much time for each other anymore. But we all know the others have other people in their lives, and we make time as much as we can to see each other. It's about effort. When you're in high school, and you see each other every day, you don't have to make much effort to stay firends. But after high school, when everyone is off in different states, and falling in love with either a parnter or a child, you have to make more of an effort. Not just *you*, but your friends too. Try to be flexible as they adjust to having a new person in their life. It sounds like you're doing a great job already. Just be there to support your friends, and when they adjust to the child, they'll be able to make more time for you again. And as their children grow, they will be able to spend more time away from them too, so you can have the girls night out that seems so hard to do just now.
November 30th, 2004, 01:36 PM
How open are you to doing the things they want to do? One of my friends had a baby right after high school, and we had to make allowances, because the baby came first.
I wanted to second this. As someone who had a baby fairly young (19; I'm 25 now) it can be really hard to watch other women my age, or the age I was when I had my son, having what looks like the time of their young lives, unfettered by babies or children. I'm still interested in many of the same things: I would love to go out to see a show, or go camping on the spur of the moment or have a quiet barbecue with adult conversation. I would love to have a house neat enough that I felt like I could have people over on the spur of the moment, and to be able to stay out late. I find that a lot of people my age that I otherwise would have a lot in common with don't make good company for me, because they don't want to be "slowed down" the way I sometimes am.
What I'm getting at here is your friends with babies might feel like *they're* the ones being left behind or left out. If it sounds like I'm saying you're a big meanie, that's not what I mean at all, but I bet that if you make an effort to find ways of enjoying yourself with them and their babies -- if they feel like their babies are really welcome and accepted, not a nuisance -- they might grasp at that like a life preserver. No, they can't go to shows with you, or even shopping on the spur of the moment, but they would probably love to spend time if you feel like you're able to really be patient with their often cumbersome schedules & the limitations of having little kids in tow.
(I'll tell you from personal experience one way to make yourself a young parent's hero: become knowledgable about babywearing. Teach them, if they don't already know, how to go about their activities with their baby conveniently in a sling, and they'll probably be eternally grateful. *And* more likely to be available for short-notice outings!)
Also, you mention that you want to have kids someday. I don't know if you're interested in kids in general right now, but if you are, then becoming closely involved with your friends' kids will about guarantee you're as prepared as can be for the reality of parenthood when you choose to begin it for yourself.
December 5th, 2004, 05:33 AM
I totally know how you are feeling PlatinumPiXeY. A couple of friends that I met a few years ago, are now 20 and 22. I always found them to be my best friends, had fun together, always made me smile. But probably a year ago, both of them got pregnant, and I guess they just forgot about me, i've tried calling them back, but they are never around, or have no time to talk.
I also have a hard time making friends, as i've had a bunch of "friends" stab me in the back, really badly. Haven't really had any every since. I do feel left out all the time. Hard to go out and enjoy yourself when your the only one there.
They are just going through a big change in their lives, just hang in there, and later, you guys can go out and have a good time in a few years. Everything will fall into place, and everything will be alright.
Hope this has helped you out a bit,
December 5th, 2004, 05:42 AM
I also forgot to add that I like how you say that this is not your time, go and try to enjoy life now, you have your whole life ahead of you for kids, theres no rush at all. There are things that you can do by yourself that are fun, and who knows, you might meet a few friends that way, and hopfully they wont stab you in the back, but I know that when trust gets broken, its almost impossible to get it back. My "friends" stabbed me in the back probably 5 or 6 years ago now, and its taken me along time to just try and trust anyone. I've just started to regain trust for people about 5 months ago, found some nice people on a forum. talk to them alot now. Just know that it'll get better and everything will fall into place
If you ever need anyone to talk to if your feeling abanded, i'm all ears. Just hit me up on MSN. :)
Hope this helps,